How to cope with the fear of having a sick child?

Fear of having a sick child in one degree or another is common to all women, because for mom there is nothing more important than the health of her child. But there is a big difference between natural phobia and pathological fear (phobia). In this article we will explain why and where such fear comes from, as well as how to fight it.

Fears about the health of the child (future or already growing under the heart) are quite normal and characteristic of all women without exception.

The reasons why this fear develops are numerous. First of all, they lie in the transfer of other people's experience to themselves. Every day we all see on television and on the Internet sick babies who need help in fundraising. On the one hand, such stories evoke the best in people - compassion, participation, the desire to help. On the other hand, the seen pictures are firmly deposited in the subconscious and gradually form the fear that this may well happen with a particular woman.

Very often, fear begins to accumulate in a girl as a child, when she watches movies, communicates with peers, sees disabled children. In the absence of a correct perception of other children with disabilities, in case of rejection of someone else’s pathology as given, the formation of a deep subconscious fear of becoming the mother of the same child also begins.

For a long time a woman may not be aware of this, and only when it comes time to think about the offspring, or the pregnancy has already come, can the first signs of a phobia begin to manifest themselves, which can quickly go to the level of panic attack.

The reasons that most often cause fear to give birth to an inferior child are:

• a sense of impotence (a woman cannot influence the genetic processes, the development of the embryo);

• the negative experience of their own past (the woman already had children with disabilities, there were stillbirths, miscarriages and missed abortion);

• negative experiences of other people (in families of friends, neighbors, acquaintances, there are children born with anomalies and pathologies);

• poor health of the woman and her husband (there are chronic diseases, defects, pathology);

• age of the woman (usually after 35 years fear is stronger);

• bad habits in the past or present;

• genetic prerequisites (there were children in the family with congenital malformations, diseases).

Quite rarely, but it also happens that a woman cannot clearly articulate the reasons for her own fear, all of the cases listed have nothing to do with her. In this case, one speaks of an idiopathic phobia, the correction of which necessarily begins with a visit to a hypnotherapist to identify the cause (and it always is, only not always obvious).

Fears are warming up acquaintances, friends, doctors. The latter sometimes quite often tell the expectant mother about certain negative consequences of her behavior, nutrition, complications during pregnancy. Sometimes on ultrasound or during the passage of laboratory diagnostics revealed some deviations. They do not at all indicate that the baby is sick in the womb, but for a woman this information is comparable with the news about the imminent end of the world.

Finally, up to 95% of all fears occur due to the lack of reliable, truthful and honest information about why and how the pathology of the fetus develops, how anomalies are inherited. The lack of basic knowledge in the field of genetics, biology, medicine makes a woman practically helpless before the flow of negative information, spilling on it every day, both before pregnancy and during gestation.

The effect of fear on the work of the human body occurs at once on several levels. First of all - on hormonal. When a woman is afraid of the body, stress hormones are produced, which partially block the action of sex hormones, so a woman who is afraid to get pregnant, it becomes much more difficult to conceive a child.

If fear appears after the news of the fact of conception, the hormonal disturbances associated with it can cause miscarriage, as well as various deviations in the course of the pregnancy itself.

At the physiological level, fears lead to muscle clamps. As a result, the cervix worse preparing for childbirth, contractions become more painful, increases the likelihood of birth trauma in the baby, and the mother in childbirth.

The psychological state of a woman leaves much to be desired. Considering all this, the statement that fears are material seems to be not so ridiculous - everything that a woman imagines in her nightmares may well be embodied in reality in one form or another.

That is why the fear of having a sick baby must be fought. And this is quite a feasible task.

Leaving fear as it is and doing nothing with it is potentially dangerous both for the woman and for her child. therefore you need to start with the recognition of fear - it is, it is big, it is caused by reasons or several reasons. What kind of woman can answer herself, but it is possible that in understanding the depth and extent of the problem she may need the help of a professional female psychologist, psychotherapist, psychosomat.

The second action is depreciation of fear. Remember how in childhood we were all afraid of a dark figure, which, it seemed to us, was behind the door to the children's room. When we grew up, we realized that the figure was not a monster and a monster, but only was a shadow from a lamp or a chest of drawers, which stood at the exit. After that, we stopped fearing this figure, even if we saw it again at night. Our strongest children's nightmare is disarmed, discounted.

In the same way, the fear of the birth of a defective baby is also deprived of status. Let's look at it detachedly. Are there illnesses and bad habits? You need to visit a doctor and pass tests, assess the risks, but they are very, very small. No disease, just scary? Rate the statistics. According to it, the probability of having a child with chromosomal abnormalities is very small, some illnesses occur only in 1 case for 5 or 10 thousand births. Is there a sick child or was it such? Visit the genetics, on the basis of modern laboratory techniques, it will help you to quite accurately calculate the risks of repetition of the chromosomal abnormality from you.

Fears will become less and gradually disappear altogether if the woman masters the methods of relaxation, positively tunes in for pregnancy and childbirth.

If the doctor says you need to do this or that analysis, you need to follow the recommendations. If the doctor is sure that the future mother is fine, then that is the way it is. If the doctor does not inspire confidence, it is better to find another specialist and get on the dispensary account for him.

There are several effective methods of psychological correction of such fear. Hypnotherapy, NLP programming methods should be used only by professional psychotherapists. For independent work with your own fear, you can use more simple, but no less effective techniques, which must be performed consistently. Approximately - as follows.

Here it is necessary not only to admit to myself in fear, but also to talk about it with someone, to tell, as much as possible to pronounce one’s feelings, sensations, fears to a loved one, girlfriend, psychologist in antenatal clinic, gynecologist - to anyone, just you listened carefully.

At the moment of the very speech of phobic experiences, they lose the lion’s share of their strength.

If one conversation is not enough, and the woman does not feel relief, you need to repeat such dialogues until fear does not completely depreciate, the future mother does not seem like someone else’s to someone who does not belong to her.

This is an important step that must begin almost simultaneously with the first or several days after the woman “speaks”. It is better not to refer to medical articles describing certain abnormalities and malformations of the fetus, especially if the articles are accompanied by pictures showing pathology. It would be better to prepare, print and hang in a prominent place. official statistics of the Ministry of Health according to the number of congenital anomalies in the total amount of births over the past few years. Seeing that Down syndrome in children occurs in 1 case for 3000 births, and Turner syndrome in all in 1 case for 5-6 thousand births, the woman will gradually begin to accept the truth as it is.

Also worth begin to change the attitude of women to child disability in general. Positive examples are important - cases of healing, the achievements of modern medicine, which really allows in many cases to save children and give them a chance for a full and normal life. Important examples of the achievements of children with the peculiarities of the development of personal heights - information about the success of Paralympic champions, gifted children with disabilities. This is the right perception, which will gradually stop being afraid of a possible illness in a child, especially since it is, as mentioned above, highly unlikely.

They imply that a woman is ready to accept reality as it really is. At this stage it will be useful help disabled children become a volunteer, donate feasible funds to help sick kids. At the same time, a woman will learn to distance herself from someone else’s illness, to understand that the affliction is with someone, not with her, not with her child. In addition, the feeling and understanding that you helped someone helps to increase self-esteem, which in itself is very important for a person with fears, phobias.

During the study of all three stages of the woman it is important not to withdraw into yourself, to communicate actively, Watch movies, read books, go for a walk, go to visit, go to parties, actively prepare for the birth of a baby - buy toys, cute children's things. You can start a repair and make the nursery of your dreams.Anything that can distract her from feelings and fears (which will return from time to time, and this is inevitable), is quite suitable for enhancing the effect of psychocorrectional techniques.

If the described techniques have not helped and the fear has not diminished, it is worth thinking about professional help and make an appointment with a psychologist, a psychotherapist.

Problems that are rooted far in the subconscious, are not so easily amenable to correction on their own, they may require treatment and therapy, including with the use of sedatives. Deep problems always (in 100% of cases) sooner or later appear on a physiological level in the form of certain painful symptoms. And in their correction the woman will be helped by a psychosomat specialist.

A few simple tips will help you better deal with the fear of having a sick baby.

• Create a positive atmosphere around you. - eliminate all references to terrible vices and anomalies, do not look and do not read terrible stories on the Internet with a sad ending, do not look for an answer to your questions on women's forums. Prohibit others from telling negative stories, or simply step aside when they begin to do so. Do not be afraid to seem impolite.

• Practice self-training. Every day, give self-hypnosis about 10 minutes. This can be done on the road in transport, during the evening bath or in the morning, immediately after waking up. The installation is simple: "Everything will be fine, everything is fine with my child." Even if at first it is not very believed in, the installation will gradually become a familiar thought that will be taken for granted - as the only possible truth.

• In time go through all medical examinations, take tests. Remember that the current level of medicine has a lot of opportunities, which were not 10-15 years ago, for the diagnosis of fetal abnormalities in the earliest terms. Even if the child has deviations, the likelihood that you will find out about this before his birth and get the right to choose whether to give birth or not is very high. The prenatal abnormalities that were not detected before the birth in our time are rather rare.

• Enlist the support of loved ones. Accept your unborn child as he is, ask your relatives to do the same. Do not torment yourself and your baby with negative and terrible emotions that destroy the health of both the future mother and her crumbs.

And the last - do not be shy of your fear, it is normal. It is abnormal to pest him, to warm, to kindle, to allow him to dictate to you the rules of the game. You are stronger, fear is yours, which means that you too can cope with it. And everyone around is ready to help you with this. More often imagine your future baby beautiful, smiling, happy and loved. And all will be well.

Psychologist and art therapist Natalia Murashova believes that sick children are born to those women who are very afraid of being lonely and unconsciously want to secure a lifelong need for themselves - to bear the "cross" of the child. Awareness of this often helps overcome your fear. See the next video for more details.