When is it better to have a second child?

Pregnancy is the ideal time of the flourishing of the feminine in any woman. A pregnant woman is always beautiful. Personally, I am against abortion, but for family planning. It allows you to anticipate a lot, and avoid unpleasant moments during the carrying of the child and during the first time after his birth.

Planning allows you to carefully prepare for the replenishment of the family. If it already has one child, most spouses sooner or later the question arises when to go for the second. Society requires one, its own inner voice tells the second, the opinions of doctors express the third. How to navigate a woman? First of all, the psychological and physiological factors of the spouses' readiness for the birth of another baby are important. Let's weigh it all together.

The reproductive function of a woman, as is known, is restored immediately after the end of breastfeeding, and it happens before that (hence a considerable number of unplanned pregnancies!). Experts from the World Health Organization estimated that It takes a minimum of 30 months for a woman to fully recover from a normal birth. During this time, the muscle tissue of the walls of the uterus and hormones are restored. A pregnancy that occurs 12 months after delivery, according to doctors, is too early, because the woman’s body is still pretty exhausted.

Pregnancy, which will come at this time, can be problematic, and the consequences for the health of the baby can be negative. If the uterine tissue is not fully recovered, miscarriage is possible, the risk of miscarriage in the early stages increases. The uteroplacental blood flow can seriously suffer, and therefore the risk of fetal hypoxia increases significantly. During pregnancy, which occurred earlier than the woman's body recovered, there may be problems with attachment by the location of the placenta. There is a high risk of low birth weight and anemia of pregnant women.

If the first child was born by cesarean section, the doctor recommends a three-year break. Pregnancy that occurred before this period can lead to rupture of the uterus along the scar, and this is a direct threat to the life of the woman and an almost one-hundred-percent chance of fetal death on the background of uterine divergence along the scar and internal bleeding.

I carried out the youngest son with a scar on the uterus only 6 mm thick. Initially, no doctor believed in the success of this event in the early stages. All 9 months I supported the understanding of the main thing - the scar was wealthy. The number of cesarean sections is also difficult to judge. Official medicine says that it is safe to bear and surgically give birth to two babies.

Doctors optimists calmly look at the third pregnancy after two cesarean. My personal experience is four cesarean sections. No complications. With large and healthy children. I read somewhere that doctors can do up to seven surgeries, but this was practiced only in Western clinics. Russian maternity hospitals treat the third cesarean with caution. What to say about the next!

If a lot of time has passed after the first birth, it is difficult for a woman to decide on a second pregnancy. And given that the first birth now often falls on 30 years, the second often fall to 35-40 years. At this age, the main difficulty is not even the difficulty to endure the child, but the possibility of simply conceiving him, since the reproductive function of a woman (fertility level), from 35 years of age is rapidly declining. The ovaries of a woman produce their resources gradually, the eggs in them appear less and less, and not every cycle is already accompanied by ovulation. In addition, at this age, the lady has already acquired chronic diseases that can have a negative impact on the gestation and the process of childbirth.

However, the modern level of medicine allows a woman and in 45 years to bear and give birth to a completely healthy child. And screening studies conducted for all pregnant women make it possible, with a very high degree of probability, to establish the risks of having a baby with genetic pathologies. Methods of invasive diagnosis only clarify this result to 99.9%.

In late pregnancy, believe me, a lot of pluses. A woman is calmer, she is confident in her future and already knows how to cope with babies. It is difficult to beat her out of the usual rhythm of life difficulties, and she, as a rule, already knows exactly what she wants from life.

A number of psychologists believe that it is easier to find a common language in the weather, and there is a large amount of truth in this. But the one-year-old baby is still in dire need of knowing the world, and he intends to do this through a familiar communication channel - constant contact with his mother. He needs to show and tell everything, explain and interpret. Everything that happens around, he associates primarily with his mother. A parent can have a hard time giving the right amount of attention and time to the first child - the explorer of the world, and the second - the baby who physiologically needs the constant presence of the mother.

The weather usually does not make a difference between them; they have the same daily routine, the same toys. Often, as twins, they say "we" instead of "I." On the one hand, for the mother it is easier, on the other - much more difficult, because each of the children can get sick, and then it will be almost impossible to divide personal time between the crumbs.

Two-year-olds are extremely jealous., and it can be very painful to accept the fact that a brother or sister is born in their lives. Reasonable arguments of adults about a future family member in their 2 years old little man is not fully able to accept and realize. His emotions are going wild, which is still difficult for him to put into words. Therefore, a lot of stress, which the crumb will get when a brother or sister appears, accumulates inside the baby and can cause serious psychological disorders.

Three-year-olds, and this is the age of the first age crisis, are generally quite irreconcilable. They already know how to uncompromisingly and toughly compete for the attention of mother and father. If the grandmothers come to the aid of care and upbringing, this only complicates the situation - the first baby - the three-year-old begins to clearly feel the second. This is unacceptable to him.

Children as young as 4 years old can already adequately understand the significance of a significant event in the family. They are already able to take care and the issue of mother’s belonging to someone is already closed for them - they know for sure that their parents love and appreciate them.

From the age of five and older, children perfectly understand cause-effect relationships, and are able to correctly understand your explanations. about the imminent appearance in the family of the second child. However, the greater the difference, the stronger the younger child will perceive the brother or sister as another parent. Yes, and joint leisure for children, if it is, it will not be interesting for both. Too different interests of the guys.

My opinion on this subject is unequivocal - it is impossible to turn an older child into a nanny for a baby. It is one thing to provide one-time assistance: to apply powder or to bring a pacifier, another thing is to entrust the child to occupy almost the entire leisure time of the younger one.

In the following video you will hear about the most common mistakes of parents who decided to give birth to their second child.

Report the upcoming appearance of a brother or sister to the first child is necessary in any case. It is a crime to keep silent about the reasons for which the mother's belly was noticeably rounded. The kid, regardless of age, is already a full member of the family, and should remain so, whatever happens. In conversation, the child needs to present information about the upcoming replenishment exclusively positive. Emphasize how great it is to be a senior and take care of the crumbs!

• Combine the two "affairs". While feeding the youngest child, you can tell the older tale. You can ask the older child to help with the housework: load diapers in the washing machine, for example. My son (3 years old) loves to wash diapers with me, and is happy to serve baby cream and clean diapers. Elder toddler feels necessary and important almost adult man. Do not stop him from getting older!
• Do not be ashamed of your eldest child, if for some reason he allows open manifestations of jealousy towards the baby. Do not appeal to his conscience - it is useless.
• You should not force the elder to show love and care towards the younger. Brotherly and sisterly feelings always come. But not always exactly at the time when you need it. Understand that everything happens in a timely manner.

In the next video, the famous pediatrician Komarovsky examines questions about the jealousy of the first child for a newborn.

There are no exact dates for the birth of the second child. To decide only you. If you feel your physical and psychological readiness for the birth of another baby, go ahead and with a song! Consider your financial capabilities. Create a “airbag” whenever possible. And remember, if God gave the child - he will give it to the child! I never understood how this truth “works”, but it really works, and the money for the crumbs is always there.

The decision about the birth of the second child should be taken, given the psychological climate in the family.

Never allow anyone to manipulate yourself. The decision to have another baby is your own business! Neither mother, mother-in-law, neither friends nor relatives have the right to pressure you, reproaching that you are not in a hurry with the second baby or, on the contrary, are pregnant again when no one expected it. In the end, planning is in the hands of man, and a new life, whatever one may say, is in the hands of divine providence.

How to avoid childish jealousy at the birth of the second baby, see the following video.

Be sure to look at the following program, in which psychologist Natalia Kholodenko tells by examples how to behave in a given situation with two children.

And about what mistakes are often made by parents, as a result of which children become enemies, look in the next video.