What if your child is withdrawn, too shy or uncommunicative?

Nowadays, when technological progress often replaces people with communication in real life, the problem of isolation in children is becoming ever more acute. The little ones see that their parents have a rather short telephone conversation, and in the evenings all the family members disperse in their corners and sit in front of the TV, with tablet in hand or at the computer. What conclusion do the child? True, subconsciously, the kid is convinced that communication is not such a necessary thing for life.

In addition, a closed, shy child reacts very painfully to non-standard life situations. And there will be many more, as we all know. Invincibility in childhood closeness often becomes the cause of a serious inferiority complex.

Closure is not a disease. This is a protective mechanism by which the child tries to protect his inner world from the dangers coming from the outer world.

Closure is very rarely inherited, usually an acquired character trait. The kid becomes closed under the influence of external factors - methods of upbringing, family environment, conflicts at school or in kindergarten.

Some neonatologists tend to believe that the reason for the isolation is a consequence of a premature pregnancy. Early-born babies are known to be isolated in separate reanimation boxes, and the first days of their life are crumbs without a mother. They lack communication.

Psychologists often argue that isolation is formed at the age of 1 year.

First of all, parents need to learn how to distinguish isolation from shyness. They are often confused. And overly shy guys, and closed almost equally react to many factors:

• They are wary of strangers and unfamiliar people.
• They take painfully any cardinal changes in the usual way of life.
• They are restless, subject to frequent mood swings.

So what is the difference between them? A shy child, in spite of everything, strives for communication, and is very worried when it does not add up. A closed child does not communicate, because he does not know how it is, why, and why. He generally does not feel the need for communication. An embarrassing child needs to be trained in the organization of communication, and a closed-loop child should be motivated to communicate. Until he wants to make contact with the outside world, even an army of psychologists cannot do it for him.

So how to recognize a closed child?

• The child speaks little or does not speak at all. If he deigns to address someone verbally, he does so in a quiet voice or in a whisper.
• The kid doesn’t adapt well to a new team (it may be a kindergarten, a section, a playground near the house where other children’s children play every day).In such places, your child tries to stay away and be a silent observer.
• The child practically does not express a personal opinion. He prefers to agree with the opinion of the majority or abstains from evaluations at all.
• The child has no friends or very few of them, and communication with them is extremely rare.
• The kid has a strange hobby. Or he insistently asks to bring him not a kitten or a puppy, as other children do, but some exotic creature - a snake, a chameleon, an iguana, insects.
• The child has difficulties in learning, especially in those areas of knowledge where it is required to apply communication skills - oral subjects, creative circles.
• The child is extremely tearful. He responds with burning tears to any incomprehensible situation.

So why do children become withdrawn?

• Disease. Some diseases affect the psychological state of the child. Often sick children are also at risk. They can become withdrawn because they spend a lot of time at home, do not attend school or kindergarten.
• Temperament. If your child is a phlegmatic person, a certain amount of closure is his innate trait. Here correction will not achieve anything.
• Lack of communication and attention. If the child is the only one in the family or the parents give the baby too little time.
• The severity of the parents. Excessive demands suppress the initiative of the crumbs, it may begin to feel unnecessary, unaccepted, and as a result, the kid closes.
• Severe psychological trauma. A child can go into voluntary psychological isolation from the outside world after severe stress. For example, he lost one of his family members, his parents divorced, his relatives were ill or often loudly scandalized right in front of the child.
• Permanent dissatisfaction of parents with the deeds and words of the crumbs. He eats too slowly, puts on his clothes for a long time, then makes a loud noise. Constantly pulling out makes the child nervous, unsure of his actions. As a result, it can close.
• Private physical punishment, especially if they are disproportionate to misconduct and are marked by cruelty and cruelty.

Act. And immediately.

• Expand your baby's social circle. Take him to the kindergarten, to the playground, to the park, to the zoo. There, where there are always many other children. Naturally, he will not immediately begin to communicate with them, let him stand aside for a while. Gradually, if everything happens without pressure, he will begin to take part in common games and talk to new friends.
• Provide tactile contact to the child. When talking to strangers or being in new places unfamiliar to the child, always hold his hand. Closed children desperately need a sense of security. Hug your baby at home more often. Learn to make a light relaxing massage, and make it to your child before bedtime.
• Teach your child to express feelings with words. If he sat down again at the window alone, do not ignore it.Be sure to ask the crumbling leading questions: “Are you sad?”, “Are you sad, because it’s raining?”, “And when it’s over, will you be more cheerful?”. Offer your child to “replace” negative emotions. During the period of sadness due to rainy weather, invite him to draw together or watch cartoons. Be sure to discuss with him what you do.
• Create situations where communication is necessary. For example, ask him to take in the store packaging of chocolates and check with the cashier for its value. He wants these sweets, but you pretend you don’t know how much you have to pay for them. I'm sure the kid will overpower himself and be able to ask a question to a stranger. If not, then the child is not ready yet. Do not rush it. Create a similar situation in a week.
• Read to the child fairy tales, in which there are many dialogues between the characters.
• In corrective games, give preference to those that require communications.
• Frequently ask the child's opinion on certain family issues: What to cook for dinner? Where to go on the weekend?
• Invite guests to the house. It is better if it will be your friends with children.

How to behave if your child is closed, you can find out by watching the next video.

Correction of behavior by games is an effective and very simple method and does not require specific knowledge and skills. It is possible to treat a child with the help of the game both within the family and in the children's team. Especially effectively help games for closed preschool children (5-6 years). They quickly correct problems in communication.

Participants need to be divided into pairs. Each "two" should blind plasticine non-existent fantastic animal. In the middle of the process, the game stops and the pairs of participants switch places. Now their task is to finish up the creature that other players conceived. At the end of the creative contest, the guys tell who they came up with, what kind of character it is, what it can do, what it eats, where it lives.

Have your closed child play an unfamiliar situation. For example, a flying saucer landed in your yard. She came out pretty and very friendly aliens. They hold a big cake in their hands ... Together with your child in roles, think up your dialogues with these aliens. This will teach your baby not to hesitate to talk to strangers.

This game is used by psychologists and to determine the causes of isolation, and to eliminate them. In addition, it will be useful and outgoing children as a means of preventing psychological disorders.

Ask the child to draw himself, but after many years. Take a close look at the picture - according to the drawing of a closed child you can understand a lot:

• If he portrays his figure as very small and is not the youngest in the family, this indicates a lack of attention and low self-esteem.
• If the figure is large and occupies almost the entire sheet, the child is probably spoiled.
• If he painted himself and his family, but himself a little far from the others - the kid feels lonely.
• If the figures are small, and the pressure on the pencil in a child is strong, this can be a sign of an increased level of anxiety. Scarce does not feel safe, he is afraid of being open.

• Parents should not despair and believe that there is no way out. Closed and uncommunicative children - not a sentence. This is the starting point for action.
• Mom and dad have to show every day by personal example that communication is interesting, informative, exciting and useful - helps to solve some problems. They should demonstrate all this to the closed child and tell them what positive feelings the communication gives them.Go visit, invite guests to your place.
• Hurry "beech" can not. He will choose the best moment to start communicating with someone. To pull him and push him to this is the wrong way. This can cause even greater care in yourself. The kid will build a real iron curtain, which will be very difficult to lift.
• The basis of a successful correction is benevolence. If the baby feels it, he will not have problems with overcoming difficulties in communication.

In the next video you can find out what to do if the child is uncommunicative and how to help him.